A book? What book? You might be wondering what 'things' that I learnt from this 'book'. The book that I am talking about is 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. I read through the shorter version of this book. I personally think this book is very very useful for those in relationship or even not. Well the good thing is that we get to know more about ourselves and ur partners' characteristics.
Take for example, I learnt about something called 'Retreat into the Cave' for Men(M), and 'Wave' for Women(W).
Briefly, when M retreat into their 'caves', it means that they want to be alone to sort out some solutions for their problems, which not necessary related to the W. Even though they might not reali look for a solution, they just wan to drag off their mind for a while till fresh again to deal with their problems later. As W's naturally talks to solve their problems, they might find it difficult to accept having their partner retreat and 'back-off' from them. This draw the W closer and chase after the M, going after their problems, asking them to tell how they feel, when the M wish to be alone that time. The worse thing is that, the W will feel that they did something wrong which cause their M to avoid them [which from the beginning it does not hav anything to do with the W]. The W will feel hurt, their feelings not being cared by the M, felt sorry for them and start blaming themselves for the M's retreat from them. This is a natural cycle that happens to most M, and when W try to chase after M, or wait for M to come out from their caves, W will eventually break the M's natural cycle, making M more stress and not normal. Thus, W should do something happy to avoid themselves from too pushing their M out from their caves, or making M more stressed. When M retreat, just feel free and let them be alone, until they are fine, they will eventually come bck and offer the love and attention you need. For W, try to und this cycle of men, and its just so natural for them, its just like W being emotional during period! ^^. Try to be understanding. Tell ur M that u'll always be there if they need you, and dun chase them for the reason for distress. [Coz they might not even know y]. If you understand this, you will not hav any problem with men!
The 'wave' happens to W. W naturally offers love and care to ppl they love and care. And they expect M to b the same, offering love to them without being asked. But the truth is, M wil only offer something which is being asked. [So dun expect ur M to know what you want]. 'Wave' is a cycle happens to W too. When then wave rises, it represents a W's love is rising and she can gives all love and care she has to ppl, but then when their loves reaches the max, it will go down and crash like the waves. That time, their mood and emotion will drop so low that they need loves and attention to rise their love level back. At this time all W want is to talk about their feelings and need good listener, to support and understand, n sympathize with them without offering solutions [M naturally try to solves problem]. However, M feels W are the same like them, like to be alone and leave them aside when W needed them most.
The thing that most couples find not common and depressing is things like, 'You dun understand my feelings', 'You gives me too much stress', 'Can't you just be happy?', 'I dun feel you around even if you're here'...and etc. [I myself used these so much]. This because we treat our partner like treating ourselves. We want them to love us like how we love ourselves. Now, we use back the cases that we see up there:
When they are into their caves, they wish to be alone and not to be asked or giv solutions by W. M will feel as if useless in dealing with their problems. When in caves, W chase after M to talk to them, to know how they feel and offers solution to M, as W themselves talk when they are not happy, so they expect their M to be the same. Thus, creating stress and problems of misunderstanding btwn them
When they are down during crash of their mood waves, they need to fill up with love and concern from their M, and need attentions. But M thought W are like them, when moody W wanted to b alone as well, but which is not. So, W will think their M not understanding of their feelings and turn more depressed. Thus, making both moody and unhappy with each other.
Conclusion, understanding characteristics of M and W, u will know what they want and what you can do. I am now facing the same problem, where my love is in cave now, and I dun chase him asking him what happen, coz if he wanna tell, he will tell me eventually. So how not to worry or chase him over this??? I drag myself from thinking, by writing this post now. Haha..I hope he feels better
Baby, if u're reading this..I wan u know I'm always there if u need me!