Feel Lonely at Work

I just feel like writing down how I feel for the past few weeks at work. I used to have a 'close friend' here at work. She's a nice Indian girl with great personality. She's sweet and happy all the time. We were very 'clicked' every time we were together. Even from far, seeing her I would be so happy and cheerful. We would talk about a lot of things, she used to be my listener for everything. And so am I a listener to her. Last month onwards, I noticed some changes in her. She was not as cheerful as she used to be. She was quiet and she somehow distanced from talking to me. That time, I wrote a small noted to apologise to her, for I was afraid I had did or said something wrong, causing her this way. But she said it was not me, and after some time, she was back to her old self. Happy and cheerful. We hanged out again after she was OK. She told me about the issues with her superior and that was when I knew her down mood was because of her boss.

We still hung out that time for lunch. When she wanted to go out, I would go with her though I had brought my own lunch. For I felt that my friend ajak, I should go with her to make her happy and comfortable. But somehow, I felt after I did not manage to make it to one of our colleague's wedding last minute, she had changed. Not sure is it she was angry I did not go for the wedding or something else.

 

She began to show me black face all the time when I talked to her. There was one day, I insisted to go for breakfast with her for I felt that I should be there to cheer her up. Unfortunately, when I sat down together with other Indian colleagues on the same table, they all chatted happily using their mother tongue. I sat there eating myself could not get into the conversation. I felt disrespected that time. She wouldn't do that to me last time. Though they did speak Tamil most of the time, but she would get back to me and chat something else. That time, I was like outsider. When the rest of the colleagues walked away, I tried talking to her. But the situation was the same, she refused to talk to me. Just answer with one sentence or one word.

 I felt the tension and I was not comfortable too. The Indian colleagues came back and they continue to chat in Tamil again. This was very annoying and I excused myself and left the table. I felt hurt and not respected. I texted her after I was back in the office for I felt hurt during the breakfast time. She did not reply me.

From that day since, I don't want to join breakfast anymore. Just to let her cool down a bit and see how. When I went to one program in conference room a week later, I purposely walked to her like a friend and tapped on her shoulder. Made a conversation. She just smiled and pushed my hand away and she walked away to the stage. I had confirmed myself that I had lost my one and only closer friend at work. I thought she had said to me that I'm her best friend there. When I got baby, I got to let her know and vice versa.

I had no idea what happened that she treated me like that. I would prefer she talked it out with me. If she wanted to make it clear that we are not friends anymore, then just say it properly. At least let me know why I was treated that way. Fair enough.

From this incident, I would say that our friendship is not very strong as I thought we were. It's saddening and I was affected by this. For 2-3 weeks now, I felt very lonely and moody. I stayed in office most of the time because it's awkward to go breakfast when we used to sit together and now, we sit separately. I know people would have asked her what happened. I had no idea what she would have replied. But I'm sure that I did not do anything offending her. I hope it's not her personal problems that make our friendship ended....

Hope myself will recover and accept this reality soon!