Love, Family & Food

Love, Family & Food

Thursday, March 26, 2009

......

....... As time passed.....I kept thinking the same question. I duno what I want. What I expect in a relationship? Seriously I like know what I want. But then when he pointed it out, I duno wat to say or answer. Am I expecting too much? Am I doing the right thing? Was I too over even from the begining? My dream guy is very simple actually. Last time I used to crush on cute and charming guys..I judged from appearance. Even towards him. He is handsome to me. And the first time I saw him I fell in love at first sight wif him. At first I thought it was puppy love or crush. But then as time passed, I found that he's the one I love and want to be with and continue for a serious relationship. Althought far away, we stil held on to each other and love so much. Slowly, the hot n passionate feelings is not so deep di. I personally think is not from me...but I feel is from him. Beginning of relationship is very sweet and he was so romantic, and couldn't stop confessing. It was smth very sweet for every lovers or couples. I myself was so blinded with those sweet endearments. Slowly and slowly, I need more from him. I want him to continue giving me the warmth and promises. And assurence and confidence from him. I want to noe how much he appreciate me as a gf, how much he wanted to b wif me. Although it's almost 2 years together and ppl said 'lou fu lou chai' no nid so 'yuk ma'. But to me, this is the assurence that I nid. Although I trust him, I stil hope to get same warmth I'm giving him. The coldness made me feel so insecure, feel not needed. To him, this is not a problem at all. And might feel so stressed bcoz he feels that he loves me alot do alot but I still not satisfied. Is it my prob? I duno. First I thought it was his..but slowly..I think is mine. Or perhaps I shouldnt even have a lover? I dun deserve to be loved at all since I'm not even being a good, tolerate and understanding gf...Always harp on little things like, neglecting me..never msg or call me, rather play games than chatting wif me. This sounds silly rite? TO guys, I might be reali annoying and ma fan. Rite? I am I think. I guess I'm too hard to be anyone's gf. And I so sked that he might think I'm not the right one. I can't avoid from thinking -ve bout our relationship. I begining to feel insecure di. I feel scared and lost. Duno wat to do. Seems like no problem, there is I think. And I duno wat prob. I want to discuss but then...there is no time. There is no space for it. He cant find time for it. And no mood for it. So..how? I reali no idea how..is it my fault for wanting him to giv me bck the secured feeling? All I want from him is his openess. I wan him open up wif me. Open his feeling to me. Make the first move to cherish and appreciate me...
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