Life is full of ups and downs.. It's like yo-yo effect. Once you reach high enough and your luck is at the max, the luck starts to go down...down till zero. That is the time when we will feel so bad and as if life is no longer meaningful. I'm feeling so depressed right now. I'm beginning to feel I'm more and more useless. I'm not good at whatever I did in the past. This semester shows me that I'm nobody..and I'm nothing.
Today I asked my friend, why 4th year seems to be very long to pass? He said, "We've passed the first sem. Very fast already." I guess he doesn't really get what I wanted to tell. I feel very very tired. My last year in Uni life is not really good. I cried many many times since the semester started. Every time I felt hopeless and stressed to go on, I broke down and cried like a baby.. My family would be worrying like hell and gave me encouragement to move on... I don't wanna make them worry anymore..but unfortunately, their daughter is just too weak and useless..
After my driving training just now, I felt I'm more useless.. Drive also fail. Do what also 'em dim'. I don't know I live for what right now...
Can someone just tell me go to hell and reborn, be something that won't have emotions and feelings? So that I won't have to feel depressed, happy or what..
Today I finally notice how weak I am. I used to think that I'm a strong girl, and in study aspect, though I'm no longer the smarty pants like I used to be, I thought I'm average. But these few days I knew too much news that showed to me..." Leong Lai Peng, you're just a useless girl and nobody ". Haha..Great news right?! Chosen for additional training (most probably I did terribly during clinical exam) and I'm the last 8 person in class to be chosen. Great.. Not only that, despite my hard work and effort to do my assignment, I'm labelled as 'copy cat' by her. How wonderful is that! Everyone gets to defend their work and get to add 1/2 marks at least for defending their work.. Me?!.. She doesn't even want to listen to my explanation. Worse is, she asked me what marks I got.
The reply: "Sorry I can't give you more. I know you going to cry soon.".. She walked off..
I nearly cried but I held back. She's pure evil saying that to me. You can just say she cant give me that's all..why still wanna add another extra kick?!
Just now, I went driving. Again prove to me that I'm totally ass hole. Fail totally and I know that no matter what I do, it won't be good. I shall just see how 'good' my results will be this sem...